There are some things you shouldn’t miss out on, like the delightful nature of Mumbai roads during the monsoon, mamaji’s jeeju’s behen’s roka because you’ll be overwhelmed by the support your family will receive to find you the perfect groom etc. Then there are things you should never try, like alcohol. It’s so bad for you that we don’t even serve it on joyful occasions like weddings…
It’s unhealthy: All scientific reports that say things like beer benefits your body and wine may increase immunity, are fake. Just like scientists fooled you with evolution.
Even worse, it’s unsanskaari: Sharmaji’s beta went and took a dip in Ganga after touching alcohol at a hostel by mistake. Alcohol is the most unsanskaari shit of all time. We can put up with you ogling at chokris and being sexist and all, but daaru? It’s a no no.
No one will marry you: Again, very very specific to this inferior species called females. If you drink, you might as well kill your parents because, no good guy will marry you. Males don’t drink. What would your saasu ma say?
It makes events a lot duller: Yes, we served alcohol at your sister’s wedding because all those old uncles and aunts had to be put to sleep. Otherwise, alcohol doesn’t make things fun or exciting. It does the opposite.
It doesn’t make people more fun: Have you ever seen a person getting happier with alcohol? No, you haven’t. Alcohol can’t do that. Only good values can.
You may lose your inhibitions: What? Let go an be as crazy, weird and fun as you want? How can you be happy? That’s not normal. Log kya kahenge?
Indian culture doesn’t include alcohol: All that somras crap you have read in mythology are all additions made post-colonial era. Angrezon ne sab kharab kiya hai. Only marrying 5 men, stripping a woman off in front of people and abandoning your pregnant wife in the middle of a jungle is real culture.
