So we trusted Google Maps to take us to what seemed to be another shady bar escapade in Andheri East. Navigating through the by-lanes of MIDC for what felt like forever, almost made us give up on the hope of reaching this place. But then, a giant-ass tacky name board visible from about 200 meters away reinstated our faith in Google Lady. Alas! She was bang on again, and we were there. Sagar gave shady impressions right from the word ‘Go’.

 Sagar Kinare Shady Ye Pukare

This place, like most bars of its kind, has two floors – one for the lower class shady fucks and one for the elite shady dicks. You would assume both these areas to be separated basis the presence of an AC. But guess what, Sagar likes to treat their lower class shady fucks well, meaning both the floors here are air-conditioned. Well played Sagar, well played!

Staying true to our pseudo elite selves (we’re all lower class shady deep down), we decided to head upstairs, presumably the lesser crowded Sagar space. Lesser crowded was an understatement in this case because guess what, we were the only ones up there; wouldn’t be lying if I said that we felt like losers at that very moment.

A fake bar counter on one side of the room, an aquarium for god knows what joy on another, depressed looking plants all over the place that have lost hope of getting to see the sun forever – all of this bundled up in an extremely dull, boring gift-wrapping paper created the worst kind of start to the evening. To make matters worse, or better as the case may be, their in-bar entertainment at that hour of the evening came in the form of a small ‘idiot box’ placed on the top corner of their room playing 90s Bollywood music videos.

These guys employ a shit load of people, or maybe it felt that way because we were the only buggers up there. We had one guy come hand us over a menu card, another guy come hand us another menu card; one guy set the table for us, and another came with the typical Kingfisher branded tall glasses of water. Finally, kind white shirt uncle, the leader of the waiter team, awaited our order… Can’t blame them – they were fuck bored and finally got something to do.

So, kind white shirt uncle was South Indian, and immediately began bonding with our South Indian leaker from the word ‘Go’. From giving his two cents on what we should drink if we want to get high, to what food would go well with his suggested poison, to also giving us a tour of the work-in-progress “Family Room” (even if we were least interested), ‘kind white shirt uncle’ who now became ‘kind white shirt enthu uncle’ brought some balance in our temporarily loser universe.

These guys have this bucket full of complimentary Boiled Chana kept in one corner of the room. So Chakna was sorted for the evening. *Bad Pun Alert* The alcohol, as one would expect, is peanuts. Yeah, we had that too! But seriously, we’ll take 240 for a large Old Monk anywhere, anytime!

It was time for Sagar to show his culinary skills, and fuck how! Their Crispy Chicken was succulent and tangy enough to transport us to another world and their Paneer Tikka had the same kind of effect for the vegetarians on the table.

While footing the humble bill, we realized that for the 20 something bowls of free Boiled Chana, the amazing finger food and the alcohol that flowed that night, and all of this whilst being in an air-conditioned room (which allows you to smoke), we were introduced us to a new level of ‘cheap’ that evening. At the end of it, we were drunk, full and satisfied as fuck losers!

Where? Masheshwari Nagar, Near Police Quarters, Road No. 16, MIDC, Andheri East

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Ashwin finds himself living two lives simultaneously; one in real life, and one in a parallel universe inside his head. He cannot come to terms with which one he enjoys more, so he prefers just going with the flow. In his own utopian world, every bar in the city he lives in serves craft beer.