Stages Of Drunk Texting Your Ex

You know it, I know it, there’s always that one ex that inadvertently comes up every time you have drunk session with your friends. And you know exactly when the conversation starts going downhill. Allow us to jog your memory.

Before you start drinking: This is the time where you possibly haven’t even thought about your ex for a few days and you’re just out to have fun with your friends. There’s actual coherent conversation with valid points and no one has brought up your heartbreak yet. You’re doing your weekly check of your ex’s social media. Enjoy this moment because you’re not going to have it for very long.

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1 drink down: For some reason, even a single drink serves as an opener to less superficial conversation. People start talking about their SOs and to-be SOs and you feel left out. Then they begin to realise that you can’t relate and ask you how you’re doing. You try to brush it off and tell them how you’re loving single life. ‘I’m just taking a break from dating and looking out for myself’, you tell them and discover that your ex’s Instagram is filled with potential suitors you’ve never seen.

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3 drinks down: This is the part where you take over most of the conversation, telling them what went wrong, how hurt you were and basically trash-talking your ex. Everyone is super supportive and nodding along in agreement. What they don’t know is that you’ve just sent a couple of Hi’s over to their previously blocked number, and you fully plan to give them a piece of your mind.

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5 drinks down: You’re pretty drunk which means your waterworks should start right about now. You will rant about how you will die single and how love is just fictional. Your friends are trying to wrestle your phone out of your hand before you send the long ‘I miss you’ texts you have been formulating. And it’s only for the better, but you’re not going to get that right now. It’s best to just pass out right about now, instead of drunk calling the ex. Wait…stop…goddamnit.

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The day after: You wake up groggy and with a faint recollection of what happened last night. Then, you make the grave mistake of checking your phone and suddenly it all hits you. You have a lot of apologising to do, not just to the ex who you Snapchat-ed several blurry photos of your face too but also all the friends who had to drag you to bed kicking and screaming. You also end up remembering just why you broke up… till the next time you get drunk.

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