Like how Rober Downey Jr. gets better with age, scotch is beautiful in almost every fucking way, and tastes bloody good. But if you are one of those who think that it’s not that big a deal to afford the finest scotches, sincerely sorry! Read on to taste your own tears, because fuck, we can’t afford even one of the following:
50 Years Old Dalmore (Rs 8,10,000): I will start with a relatively cheaper one, but it will still cost you more than all your life savings. Beautifully spiced with cinnamon and warm flavors, and bottled in a beautifully-designed black ceramic decanter within a sturdy wooden case, this beau is totally rare. It ages better than other distilled drinks and tastes like poise and posh. Still feeling good about your existence, eh?
Mortlach 1938 (Rs 11,00,000): Yeah, you read that right. This one tiny and gorgeous bottle of deep mahogany colored hotness will cost you as much as a sedan. But then, there are only 54 copies of this edition, so you have to be one fortunate dickhead to have your hands on it. Why am I poor?
Glenfiddich 1937 (Rs 14,00,000): Don’t open your mouths out of disbelief just yet. Glenfiddich 1937 is one in a billion, quite literally. There is only one bottle of this particular edition and has surpassed every other single malt whiskey there ever was, is or will be. Just to let you know what worthless pieces of crap we are, this whiskey can only be bought at auctions so that it goes to a true connoisseur. And my family still believes in arranged marriages! Bravo!
Dalmore Selene 1951 (Rs 16,00,000): Dalmore sounds so seductive, the bottle looks even sexier and apparently, this beauty can give your taste buds the sensation of a lifetime. Comes in a custom made leather case with a ‘goddess of moon’ print. Damn, I will own it for the bottle alone.
Macallan 64 Year Old in Lalique (Rs 3,11,77650): If you are faint hearted, do not read further, because this one bottle of scotch is equivalent to a 2 BHK in Mumbai suburbs. The decanter made from Lost Wax Method is a class apart and this is, hands down, the most exquisite piece of art. Have you ever thought how those super rich assholes who get paid millions of rupees each month spend their money? Yeah, turns out it’s not that hard after all.
PS: Killing yourself is not a choice. Work hard and earn money so that you can drink good ‘ol old monk to forget how pointless our lives are…