What Bollywood Loves To Tell Us About Alcohol

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Films are so much more than just a way to spend 300 bucks every weekend (if you live in Mumbai). We are all living, breathing examples of how much we have been influenced by the movies. I appreciate how much movies have given us, but I am equally appalled at how Bollywood, over and over again, loves to stereotype our universal favorite thing in the world – Alcohol. Find out how…

All rich people drink at home: Coz that’s the real shizz, man! If you are rich, you have a freaking shelf full of expensive liquor (scotch only, because champagne is too mainstream) in your blingy mansion. ‘Subah ko pooja karenge, raat ko daaru piyenge’ is the motto. Rich bollywood tycoon starter pack: Expensive suits, gigantic library and a glass full of whiskey!

 

Poor people drink in local bars: Unless you are a poor guy pretending to be a rich guy to date an even richer chic. In that case, your broke ass is telling you to fuck off, but you are still struggling. Shady bar starter pack: red lighting, wooden tables, guy with a ‘toliya’ on his shoulder and ‘humka peeni hai peeni hai’ in the background.

 

Without chicken, no liquor is complete: Okay, this one, I personally can vouch for. Nothing, not even Maa ka haath ka khana (Sorry Mumma) can live up to the delightful combination of bright, tangdi kebab and alcohol.

 

If you drink, you will act crazy and forget it the next morning: Remember Simran? And 100 other sanskaari girls who went crazy after taking 2 sips from a brandy bottle to beat the cold (ya, they will only travel to ice cold nations. Go to a warm nation for once, those are pretty exotic too). And of course, the guy will lie about having coitus * Sheldon much?* and then end up falling in love with that person in less than a day.

PS: I have been drinking since day one, where the fuck is my Raj? Or Rahul? Or any other filthy, rich, patriarchal bastard?

Beer is the most commonly consumed liquor: This is so dumb; movies need to get it right, like now. Yes, we love beer, but that’s not everything we consume. We love everything from beer to rum to whiskey to frikkin’ cocktails to even champagne. Stop representing beer as alcohol; beer is our baby and hard liquor is the boss.

 

Drinking makes you spill the truth: See, if this was true, we wouldn’t need lie detectors or a narco analysis. You can just force feed someone with cheap Old Monk and you will have the truth. A

 

High time, Bollywood, high time! *Wink Wink*