How Alcohol Got Me Through Every Semester In College

Drinking with the saints

As a college student who can’t wait for her fuckall education to come to an end, I would like to make a confession. Had it not been for alcohol, I wouldn’t have gotten through so many semesters. And trust me, there have been many, many semesters. Alcohol has been a constant companion and I wouldn’t mind giving it some credit in my graduation speech. Here’s why.

It helped me make friends: When I started college, I was hopeless, needy and desperate. It hasn’t changed or anything, but alcohol helped me find a bunch of other needy, hopeless people whose bond was strengthened over cheap booze. Now we are just awkward when sober. Yaay!

Celebrations finally had a meaning: There comes a time in your life when you get over ‘treating’ people you don’t like to cake and samosas. My birthdays took a new dimension when I realized I could drink now, legally at a bar. I could ditch every other strange birthday cutom and just buy a bottle of alcohol and it still counted as celebrating. After all, your birthdays are meant to be spent doing what you love, right?

It gave me a goal: I woke up on every Monday morning, questioning my decision to live as a civil, social human who needs education and a career. What encouraged me to live till the next weekend was the fact that I could drink on Friday. And on Saturday. And have a terribly hungover Sunday. It was a way of life.

It is one hell of a way to deal with failure: College truly prepares you for life. Every semester, there are like six subjects which are then divided into theory and practicals. So it’s very much possible for you to fail in at least one of these. How do you deal with it? You drink. After a quarter of Old Monk, even the biggest problems don’t seem too bad.

Positive reinforcement: Since I act like the mother of procrastination and don’t get any work done on time, I had to implement a strategy. It included keeping a pint of beer right in front of me as a token of appreciation that I could only have once I finish an assignment. Yes, like a treat for a dog. Laugh all you want, but it worked like magic every single time.