An open invitation to loneliness and feeling like a loser

Mumbai’s incessant downpour didn’t dampen our spirits to go out and do what we love doing. But there was something else that night which did…

Now, the first thing we see before we endured ‘Enigma’ in all its glory is an endearing waiting area surrounded by fish tanks, except that nobody was really waiting there. But who wants to see a waiting area with people queued up, right? So, a pleasant first impression together with the realization that a free table waited to embrace us inside, got our expectations shooting off the roof… To top this, we noticed a shiny golden mini sculpture of a ‘Laughing Buddha’ just before we entered, looking so happy to see us that we instantly got positive vibes about the place.

How often does it happen that you see a really kickass film teaser, but when you subject yourself to the end product, you feel like strangling yourself? Enigma Lounge is that very movie…

Talk about free tables, there were too many free tables inside (both top and basement) calling out to us; so many, that there wasn’t a single human being occupying them. This translated to instant sympathetic feels for the lone waiter. He was all dressed up looking sharp and dapper, only left to “imagine” serving drunk fucks, at best… Until, we entered…

After a poor opening (yes, the rains may have played a part), you can only hope that this film has good content, because hey – word of mouth can work shit wonders!

Let’s assume Enigma is used to seeing patron-less evenings every day, which is why they’ve stuffed their seating with gazillion cushions and mini bolster pillows to make them feel occupied. So many, that there wasn’t space for our own butts. Irony is that you have a shitload of space (because there’s not a single soul inside), but you still make that first person who enters feel uncomfortable, why? Because you’ve placed more importance on your cushions than his ass prints….

The waiter finally got something to do apart from questioning his existence, and we really didn’t want to deprive the poor fella of it… So we ordered our daaru from an uninventive menu and waited to get the fuck out of the depressing environment as soon as we could…

If complimentary nachos and a lip smacking dip to go with your drink helps you find solace in a damp squib of a hole, then wait, there’s more. Enigma had one last throw of the dice, and it came in the form of some juicy and succulent Thai Pepper Chicken…

On our way out, we noticed a DJ in a corner (who again looked like he reflected more on the purpose of his existence rather than work on his console), which is when we realized that there was actually music playing all along.

We actually tried picturing this place filled with people. But we just couldn’t match two and two together. This place is meant to bring you up, close and personal with depression and loneliness.

At the exit, the same ‘Laughing Buddha’ conveyed something else altogether – We could hear him this time say – “Hahahahaha…Fucking losers!”

There’s nothing that can save this poor film, not even an exciting surprise cameo by crunchy nachos and delicious chicken.

Where? Tirupathi Towers, Versova, Andheri (West) 

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Ashwin finds himself living two lives simultaneously; one in real life, and one in a parallel universe inside his head. He cannot come to terms with which one he enjoys more, so he prefers just going with the flow. In his own utopian world, every bar in the city he lives in serves craft beer.