We told you that we’re going to be talking about every watering hole outside Khar station, one by one. 99 Bar, the last one in the chain, didn’t just catch our interest, but also caught our attention because it positions itself as a ‘Bollywood Bar’. Sometimes, you just need to get wasted and groove to Bollywood beats. It was that kind of night… (Come on, come out of the closet – you love doing it too!)
A box office disaster
The first thing you see when you enter 99 Bar is a vintage scooter with a sidecar, a modern version of the one that Jai and Veeru used in their iconic Sholay song. It’s not a bad greeting at all, considering how evergreen that song remains even today. What’s more, the thing is splashed with some colorful graffiti as well, making for a rather bizarre yet unique welcome… It laid a perfect foundation for an expectedly exciting Bollywood-esque night ahead…
But Alas! 99 Bar falls prey to the same old disease – Trying to package one too many elements, ending up trapped in its own web of disillusion. We’ll tell you why…
Now, bars in this part of the city really need to experiment with new formulae, rather than go with the tried and tested garage theme. Garage theme, you ask? Where did that come from? Wasn’t this a Bollywood bar? Exactly our point!
This bar has shades of Bollywood alright, but ‘C grade’ Bollywood shades in ‘A grade’ packaging. So it won’t be surprising that the first things your eyes notice on their menu card would be shots named ‘Pink Panty’, ‘Lesbian Kiss’, ‘Kick in the Cock’, ‘Cherry Boobs’, and ‘Shot for Gay’. No kidding! 99 Bar is basically Bollywood Porn in a messy garage.
This place looks raunchy as fuck, and 99 Bar tells us what happens in a typical suburban watering hole by placing singular words in tacky colors on their wall – DRINK, MUSIC, SHOUT, LAUGH, SEXY and KISS. Yes, the last two words had to live up to their true identity.
There’s this bad-ass woman serving drinks at the bar with a sense of authority. The waiters here look like her minions, as she goes about her business mixing those cocktails. She’s by far the most powerful thing about this otherwise disgustingly weak place.
What’s more, the bar counter has this funky disco ball sitting atop its head, rotating and emanating lights to the beats of the music, having a party of its own. We could almost imagine it tell us – Fuck you, I’ll do my own thing!
The DJ puts up a fake accent, which felt as underwhelming as bad sex. (We need to draw parallels that go with their theme, you see)
They have a separate enclosure for people to ‘beat their booties’, but we didn’t have the patience to stick around until the Bollywood dancing began.
The Fish Tikka we ordered was a little too burnt for our liking, and the alcohol couldn’t do much to save this fast dwindling experience.
These guys hit peak ass-holery when they shoved that overpriced bill down our throat; a not-so-perfect end to a perfect example of ‘Don’t judge a book by its fucking cover!’ BC!
Where? 3rd Road, Next Khar Station, Khar West, Mumbai, Maharashtra 400052
