Let’s be clear at the very outset. No celebration is complete without booze. For all those who blame it all on ‘new gen’, hear me out! It’s not just the millennials who party till they drop. India is known for its alcohol consumption during festivals. Here is a reality check:
Onam: Kerala, in 2014, sold booze worth 8.5 fucking million on the occasion of Onam. That’s probably the quarterly income of all Mallus put together! How on earth do they do this? Is Onam like one whole day of drinking and sleeping like a log for the rest of the week? Won’t you be hung over as fuck? So many questions!
Pongal: Pongal, one of the most important festivals of Tamil Nadu consumed alcohol worth 350 crores last year. I am mind fucking blown! Did you cook the pongal in booze?
Christmas: This one ain’t surprising. Wine is probably more important than a freaking star itself! One Indian state alone in last December consumed alcohol worth 450 crores, and that’s probably the biggest party ever!
Holi: Holi is like a bunch of human beings challenging their liver with all kinds of crap. From crazy bhaang to exquisite scotches, this season gives the beverage department a lot of cash!
Any local election: If votes have to flow, booze has to flow too! There’s no other tool that’s more powerful than alcohol, to win over votes. The more hung over the electorate is, the better for the candidate it seems.
We get fucking drunk! We do it right! And we do it all the time. Party is where booze is!
