We were in a mood for some cheap liquor again, and we heard about this place called ‘House of Food’ along the metro line in Andheri West. We’re kind of regretting that we knocked on the doors of this house, but fuck it, because we got cheap daaru.
Houses frustrated men and misspelled ‘cheap’ liquor
When you see the words ‘Budwiser’ and ‘Fostar’ on a menu card whilst you’re pondering over what to drink, you don’t need to look further if you want to feel genuinely entertained in a cheap drinking place.
And then, even before you begin to make peace with the environment you’re sitting in, you are regularly subjected, or should we say… treated to “Bhosdike”, “Gaand Maar”, “Lawda”, “Chootiya” and “Bhenchod” on a regular basis. Source, you ask? Three frustrated men sitting on a table beside you, who just cannot stop ranting about their fucked-up lives and the people who are responsible for it… We also realized for the first time, and unsurprisingly so, that the level of cuss words progressively spoken are directly proportional to the amount of daaru that goes in the system…
This place tells you exactly why they lack innovation and call themselves ‘House of Food’ through their food menu card, which, just doesn’t seem to want to end. The mouth watering dishes with their tempting prices can put all your daaru cravings to rest, but only momentarily. We’re not going to give in so easily… We came here for something, we’ll fucking finish that and just leave.
Then comes the daaru menu, and all the spelling and grammar gets thrown out of the window. Seriously, you won’t believe that the food menu you just saw and the bar menu are part of the same ‘Restaurant & Bar’.
The booze here is so cheap that it will literally make you feel bad for our brethren sitting in Bihar, who are being deprived of their basic fundamental right. And we’re paying peanuts for it at House of Food… Come to Mumbai boys. And it’s not like you ever have to worry about finding company here, huh?
At one point, if you even care that is, you might begin to wonder what’s more boring here – their interiors, or their waiters?
Now, you cannot really expect décor that appeals to you in a place like this. But cheap bars in Bombay usually employ friendly waiters. That’s as far as they can go in terms of investing in a ‘tool’ to enhance your experience. This place can do without their nondescript waiters, for getting the daaru from their fridge yourselves might seem like a sensible trade-off.
At the end of the day, House of Food puts up a decent show, only because it makes you want to reimagine its name as ‘House of Cheap Liquor’. Baaki sab ‘gaand maar’!
Meet the frustrated fucks at House of Food at JP road, Andheri West.
