So here’s my issue with Mumbai waiters these days. Why do y’all not want to smile when you come to my table? I love my food and alcohol, and it completely ruins my drinking experience. Oh well, here’s my list of the top least attentive waiters in Mumbai..
Monkey Bar (Bandra) – Average food and a decent lounge area to chill, but god damn, we almost didn’t end up paying the bill for this one. What a rude experience, owing to waiters being unresponsive to our desires and needs. Tomato and mushroom, nayi chahiye. Ok Sir. *Brings nachos with tomato and mushroom*. Arey bhaiya bola tha na aapko. *Trollolololololol*.
Quench (Juhu) – Went there a long long time ago, and learned nothing from the experience except that – hey owners, pay your inattentive staff more money. Every bar has the same music, same food and same whacky (groan) look and feel. Wanna know what separates your bar from others? Your staff! So keep them happy.
Grandmama’s Café and Bar (Dadar) – Don’t be surprised here if you see the staff bitching about each other, and getting your drinks and coffee literally at the speed of an injured snail. Look, their waiters were of two categories (and it’s true across all bars) – One’s the sweet and innocent category comprising waiters who don’t understand anything, and the other is the tattooed attitude category who don’t give a fuck about anything. Both these kinds of waiters spit in your food. So be careful and keep ‘em happy.
333 (Juhu) – It hurts my feelings to say that 333 is a shitty place in terms of waiters, because their owner was so attentive when it first opened up but lost all hope in humanity as the months went by. We used to sit at that place like we owned that mofo, changing the TV channel, ordering our favorite food and drinks, blah blah blah. Then the waiter came to us and said – “Sir, you can’t change the channel and you can’t change the music in the system” Why? “Sir you can’t” OK damn. It went from eager, to eat shit very quick and we never went there again.
Tryst (Lower Parel) – Ah Tryst, the place where I first hit on a bunch of girls who I thought were of legal age but swiftly ran away when they asked me what school I was from. Anyway, the waiters here refuse to give you your drinks on time or bother to answer you when you continue to yell “Bhai tuh 500 zyaada lele, but gimme that glass of wine I asked for 40 minutes ago”. Tryst, you will still be the last place I ever go in this beautiful city of Mumbai.
