Every friend group has that one person – the unofficial bartender, the walking alcohol encyclopedia, the one who somehow knows the ABV of every beer on the menu. If your squad turns to you before ordering a cocktail, asks you to decode a wine list, or expects you to magically fix their hangover, chances are – you’re the Alcohol Expert. But hey, wear the crown with pride (and maybe a little buzz). Here are the undeniable signs that you’ve claimed the title.
“Wait, what’s the difference between whiskey and bourbon?” – and all eyes land on you. You don’t just know the answer, you’ll throw in a quick TED Talk on barrel aging, peat smoke, and why one costs double.
While others have a sad bottle of Old Monk and maybe a mixer, your home stash looks like a speakeasy. Shakers, muddlers, bitters, five types of glasses – you’re basically running a micro bar out of your living room.
From “She’s in her breakup era, give her tequila shots” to “He’s too full for beer, hand him a gin & tonic,” you’re the drink whisperer. Pairing alcohol with moods is your hidden superpower.
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Other hosts: “Here’s rum and Coke.”
You: shakes, strains, garnishes with dehydrated orange slices.
Your friends didn’t come to hang out; they came for the menu you’ll inevitably design and the Instagrammable cocktails you’ll serve.
When the group chat lights up with “Help, my head is splitting,” everyone waits for your wisdom. From hydration hacks to greasy breakfast suggestions – you’ve seen it all, lived it all, and survived.
While your friends are still asking for “something sweet,” the bartender nods at your order of a Negroni if you’ve passed an unspoken test. Bonus points if they remember your name.
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Menus are confusing, patience is short, and alcohol budgets are fragile – so naturally, they hand it over to you. You don’t just order drinks, you curate experiences.
Being the Alcohol Expert is equal parts responsibility and glory. You’ll be the one mixing drinks, correcting pronunciations (it’s not “moh-jito,” people), and rescuing friends from bad hangovers. But hey, if knowledge is power, then yours just happens to come shaken, stirred, and served with a slice of lime. Cheers to that!
