There are places you go to that sometimes remind you of those ‘Wh’ questions you were told about in grammar class. Zulu falls in that category. Figure out ‘Why’…
Where ‘tribal’ means cramped and paan-tastic
Electronic diyas, fire sparks and some mismatched (supposedly) tribal artifacts – Zulu Terrace can be a tad bit too confusing. Located in the middle of a hundred other shitty overpriced eateries and lounges that this broke child can’t afford, Zulu is actually one of those open spaces where one can chill if they like hookah and… no leg room.
On a Thursday evening, Zulu Terrace was moderately crowded with only one odd, cramped table adorning a reserved board. A table for two is a tiny teapoy accompanied by two cushioned chairs which are not adequate for tall people at all. So be prepared to crouch down awkwardly to fit yourself into that space if you’re one of the lucky ones like me who chose to sit there. If you don’t possess that thing they call ‘flexibility’, then good luck to your legs. My yoga knowledge came handy! #Win
Zulu offers a range of ordinary food and despite being a celebrated hookah joint, the menu has nothing on it that really stands out. Their Indian meal comprising naan, chaawal and an above average curry won’t blow your mind in any way, and their barbecue pizza is just as good as a dessert.
Their terrace is converted to a dining hall, and I was blown away with the way they have created a roof above us with such confidence, supported by mere tarpaulins. If it pours, there is a fair chance that you will end up running for your life from there.
Crappy Taylor Swift & Katy Perry music really adds no value to the place. With almost 70% of the customers smoking the same old paansheesha, this place smells of shit that can bring back some weird flashbacks.
They have four fucking giant plasma screens on which they play old matches, but that’s okay, since nobody is even watching it. But because I am attracted to shiny objects, I kept turning my head towards the screens only to realize they switch between old matches and the same crappy content that Mumbai local stations have on their TV screens!
Halfway through the experience whilst trying to beat the boredom, I discover two giant metallic tubes on the other end of the wall and all I could wonder was, “What the hell are those!”
But you should still visit this place because their bill shows… wait for it…. NO TAX! No road tax, no swachh bharat tax, no kissan jam and hookah coal tax and all that assholery! That’s right fellas, your prayers have been answered. Now RUN!
Where? Near Fun Republic, Off Andheri, New Link Rd, Andheri West, Mumbai, Maharashtra 400053
