Look, alcohol doesn’t just lower your inhibitions, it unlocks a whole cinematic universe inside you. One minute you’re sipping casually, the next you’re living your Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani arc with questionable dance moves and unsolicited life advice.
Here’s a definitive guide to the five personalities you morph into after two drinks too many:
Tagline: “Have you ever really looked at the moon, bro?”
You take one sip and suddenly you’re Deepak Chopra with WiFi issues. You start dropping quotes from Rumi, Murakami, and that one Reddit thread you misread. Conversations go from "What’re you drinking?" to "What’s the point of time?"
You speak only in existential questions. You stare into space. You use “energy” as a noun way too much. People pretend to listen, but they’re texting each other: “Help. He’s talking about capitalism again.”
Most likely to say: “I think my inner child is thirsty, not me.”
Tagline: “This song... reminds me of my 8th grade tuition teacher.”
You’re fine until someone plays Channa Mereya and now you’re clutching a cushion and whisper-crying. You’ve trauma-dumped on a stranger, texted your ex, and written an entire apology to your dog. Twice.
You're a walking monsoon with zero warning signs. Friends are hiding knives, cords, and aux cables.
Most likely to say: “You guys are like... my only real family.”
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Tagline: “I was born to do this... even if my knee says otherwise.”
All it takes is 3 beats of Sheila Ki Jawani and your inner Katrina Kaif kicks down the door. Your arms? Everywhere. Your feet? Questionable. Your confidence? Unmatched.
You’ve elbowed three people, ripped your outfit, and hijacked the Bluetooth speaker, but it’s giving Dance India Drunk. Bonus points if you try to pull off a backflip in a saree/suit.
Most likely to say: “Record this, I swear I look HOT.”
Tagline: “Was I ever really there?”
One second you’re vibing, the next second – you’ve evaporated. No goodbye, no text, no explanation. Just pure ninja energy. Your friends are checking bathrooms, rooftops, and CCTV footage.
Where are you? God knows. Probably at a momo stall 5 km away with someone named Rahul who thinks you're in HR. You’ll resurface on Instagram the next day, posting a quote like “Sometimes you have to disappear to find yourself.”
Most likely to say: Absolutely nothing. You’ve already left.
Tagline: “I’ll sing if no one else will... and even if they beg me not to.”
You know your voice isn’t great — but you simply do not care. You demand a mic (real or imaginary), pick a high-pitched Arijit song, and start howling into the abyss. You're off-beat, off-key, and off-brand. It’s less Indian Idol, more Indian Idle Threat.
Still, you own that stage (read: bar counter), dedicating every chorus to an ex who probably blocked you three years ago.
Most likely to say: “Okay wait, one more! Then I’ll stop.”
If you don’t recognize yourself in any of these… congrats, you’re either lying or not drinking enough. And if you’ve been all five in one night? You’re the main character. The multiverse of madness. The human Long Island.
Stay unsobered. Stay unhinged. Stay iconic. (But also hydrate, okay?)
